In addition to preparing my bags and my travel documents for this journey I have spent significant time preparing my heart. It is hard to bid farewell to the life I've known for so long, even when parts of it have come to be so challenging to me.
Within the past day I feel I've experienced two completely opposite ends of the emotional spectrum as far as saying goodbye are concerned. Last night I had a wonderful, remarkable evening with an amazing woman who is one of my imaginary Charlie's Angels. We had dinner and sangria at an authentic, pink-walled taqueria and then talked for what felt like hours, walking up and down the darkening streets of Berkeley and finally finishing our conversation in what has come to be our favorite place to really hash out matters of life and love: her Subaru. The tzedakah she gave me tight in my palm, the compass I long ago gave her returned to it's rightful owner after I'd had it on loan in Yosemite all summer, I waved goodbye to her across the street and climbed into Rebecca's Volvo, making my way home. It was bitter to hug her for what will be the last time in awhile but it was so very sweet to see her and know that our friendship will remain strong.
In stark contrast to last night, I received a very challenging email tonight from a woman with whom I used to be quite close but to whom I've become significantly less connected over time, to the point of not being connected at all anymore. It was an awful thing to read the night before going away for so long and in my response I spared no honesty in telling her so. I have not heard from her since and do not expect to hear from her anytime soon, if ever again. I do not regret my words to her and know that silence between us will be best in the end, but is still a difficult way to leave matters between two people.
Some things are easier to say goodbye to than others.
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